I think I know what i’m good at. I think I can out suffer most people. I can turn off the discomfort meter and and just go. If I want. I know I’m shy and a little awkward socially but I can also find a way to meld and fit into almost any place. I can make it happen. Maybe it’s survival instinct. I dont know. And I don’t really know how I do it. But lately I struggle with the transition. BigTime.

One day your on your belly on the side of some mountain crawling through the thorns and weeds and brush up to a group of armed men and you dont want to be discovered because some of these men are bad and a few days later your asking some guy to find your name on a list so you can go to a party with a bunch of over dressed over enthusiastic people who only want to talk about themselves and that transition is a little bit tougher than you expected.

Sorry if you were at one of those partys, I’m probably not talking about you specifically.

Sometimes these things are hard to articulate. My wife understands. Bless her.

I don’t like to over think things but it has occurred to me that at times I ought to think about some things a little bit more. But seriously, the thinking probably wouldn’t help much. Why start now.

Sometimes you know your limits and can see them coming a mile away and sometimes they sneak up and kick you in the balls.

Completed
And coming soon…

Danielle and I just returned last night from two days of shooting a music video in the mountains about an hour north of here. She produced and I directed. We had top of the line equipment and a small but exceptional crew. Actually the most competent and professional crew I’ve ever had.

It was so cold up there. Both mornings myself, the DP and the 1st AC left at 6 AM to shoot as the sun rose. The first morning we drove all the way to the top of the mountain, an elevation of almost 9000 feet. It was so cold. Brutal cold.

I’ve always been superstitious about synchronicity and dates. It seems to mean something that the shoot coincided with my 10 year anniversary here. I don’t think I’m making something from nothing over it either.

I guess I’ve been dreading the date because I feel like I should have achieved more by now. I do know that 10 years ago I could not have directed the video I just did. I could not have led such a professional cast and crew. And nobody in their right mind would have come to me with money and asked me to even try.

But somehow that doesn’t comfort me. I was going through the footage from the shoot and came across this clip and felt like it summed up my feelings about being here 10 years. About the experience of those 10 years.